“Laughter is an instant vacation,” said Milton Berle. Here at NK, we would like to contribute to lightening your mood in preparation for a meaningful and relaxed weekend. So here’s the tongue-in-cheek look at the events of the week gone by that you’ve been waiting for :)
We now have a Russian missile to shoot down the decibels emanating from the French Jet deal. The Contract worth USD 5 Billion was Putin place (pun intended) by the Russian President after a couple of hugs hug in Moscow and Delhi. So far no bugs have been uncovered.
I scanned media reports for an offset clause that called for a reset, but there was none visible, so maybe it is meant to remain invisible, unlike in the 7.87 billion Euro deal for the French jet, the price of which, in keeping with the allegations of an unusually high price (in comparison to what was not yet agreed earlier!), has climbed further with the downward spiral of the Indian Rupee vs the US Dollar! While the cost of the Bullet train is speeding onwards like the bullet it is :). Meanwhile, the cost of the various statues being set up to bolster ego’s remains stable – they are made in India after all – no imported parts (one assumes).
In other headlines this week was one that should make us all proud, not just the 31% of those who voted for the ruling party. “PM Modi receives UN’s ‘Champions of the Earth Award’, says Indians committed to saving the environment”. The award was announced Wednesday for his “unprecedented pledge to eliminate all single-use plastic in India by 2022.” The phrase “Clutching at Straws” suddenly comes to mind! Not sure how.
And here I was thinking that plastic is set to replace cash, what a PayTm-ed thought! How wrong can one be!
Prime Minister Narendra Modi received the United Nation’s highest environmental honour, the ‘Champions of the Earth Award’ from United Nations Secretary-General Antonio Guterres, at a ceremony in Delhi. He is among the six winners who got the award. “It is an honour for Indians. Indians are committed to saving the environment. Climate and calamity are directly related to culture; if the climate is not the focus of culture, calamity cannot be prevented. When I say ‘Sabka Saath,’ I also include nature in it,” Modi said. Ah, that explains the recent calamities. There’s so much clarity that the award brought.
After conferring the award to PM Modi, Guterres in a tweet said: “The world needs bold leadership on climate action. I thank India for setting an example and was pleased to present Prime Minister Narendra Modi with the Champions of the Earth Award.”
These days leadership is defined and refined by a Tweet! Check out President Trump’s and other leaders twitter handles, including our own and you will learn and grow as a leader – you really don’t need those fancy management gurus or books. They’ve got it all wrong!
Besides the Swacch Bharath movement, there is another revolutionary movement in place since 2014, the awards for which will start flowing shortly. Swach Wallet. The clean wallet movement began in a small way and has assumed revolutionary proportions! First there were the cesses, then the increased excise taxes – not once but three times – on fuel, then demonetization, then GST with innumerable slabs and cesses and then increased excise on fuel, followed by rising fuel prices, a rapidly depreciating rupee, rising NPA’s and finally this week a blood bath on Dalal Street. With Wallet now clean, it was time to fill it up again, with Rs: 2.50 per litre of fuel reduction in fuel prices, grandly announced by the FM, with a call to states to follow suit. And follow suit they did… those ruled by the same party – They didn’t have a choice. Probably promised that it will be made up in some other way through some cess or the other. So the more you consume, the faster it will fill. Now wait for the cess to clean the mess – tis’ a movement after all; Swacch Wallet.
Prime Minister Narendra Modi launched the Pradhan Mantri Jan ArogyaYojana PMJAY-Ayushman Bharat from last Sunday. Describing it as a “game changer”, Modi said the scheme was a step towards serving the poor people of the country and it would come into effect from Sunday (Sept 23rd). “Some call it Modicare, some call it a scheme for the poor. It is definitely a scheme to serve the poor,” he said.
The philosophy seems simple. Once the poor are healthy, the nation will be wealthy and in turn, Educationists, Pharma companies, health shops, Medics and Para Medics will be wealthy and in turn the GDP will outstrip the world. The scheme is indeed a game changer… for them – It will make their financial struggle for a professional qualification well worth their while. Ill health is the key to the scheme being a success,not wellness, else it would have included Gym’s, insects (full of protein according to the latest studies) and veggies in its line-up. Hope lies eternal that an Indian Trump will not come and destroy it in 2019. Check your eligibility from the scheme’s website (if you are reading this you might not be eligible).
Last Word
Encounters are necessary to protect the public from criminals is the philosophy of some state governments. It’s probably a subset of the Swacch Bharat Mindset!
After an Apple Executive (no less) was shot dead by a Police constable, a colleague says, deliberately, support has poured in for the shooter. Media reports say Constables of the Uttar Pradesh police force have announced an indefinite strike and fast for the policeman accused in the Apple executive murder case. They said that they will be observing October 5 as a ‘black day’ in support of Constable Prashant Chaudhary who shot Vivek Tiwari on September 29 in Lucknow.
Uttar Pradesh Director General of Police (DGP) OP Singh said that the state’s police department “is not trigger-happy but people friendly”. So it was friendly gunfire that killed him. It happens on the battlefield!
It’s a sad note to end the satire on, but you can still I believe, with an empty wallet and fear in your heart as you drive along the city’s roads (or maybe not, due to the sky-high prices) still have a great weekend and fine week ahead.
The author may be contacted at brian@newskarnataka.com
