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Thursday, March 28 2024
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NK Satire: The Week that was Jan 7 to 13

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nk satire 9“Laughter is an instant vacation.” said Milton Berle. Here at NK, we would like to contribute to lightening your mood in preparation for a meaningful and relaxed weekend. So here’s the tongue- in-cheek look at the events of the week gone by that you’ve been waiting for :)

He is not the monk who sold his Ferrari, but it’s quite possible that many sold their Ferraris’ across the world because of the ‘Old Monk!’! The man, not the monk, who created the “Old Monk” flavour in ’54, and built the iconic dark rum IMFL brand into a favourite of immoral ascetics across the nation and the world, the Chairman of Mohan Meakin Ltd, died at the Old Monkish age of 88 early this week. I’m sure young monks will mourn his loss but, will be glad that his legacy lives on, and they won’t miss their Ferraris’ when they sell them!

Early on in the week, the press and social media grapevine was vibrant with news that the White House was moving to restrict the extension of the H1B Visas (a favourite of Indians in the US) pending the grant of green cards or Permanent Residency in the US. The News sent Indians, both in the US, their relatives in India and more so, the Government of India, into a tizzy! After all, how could they find employment for more than 5 lakh people who might return when they couldn’t create employment for the existing resident population?

Ironically however, departing or deporting Indians had no plans to return to their homeland. Reportedly, they were looking at alternate venues like Canada, Australia and Europe for their new abode. Contrast this reluctance to return to India with the news that emanated from an international survey ahead of the PM’s Davos visit (for the World Economic Forum). Gallup International, in its annual survey – Opinion of Global Leaders conducted across 50 nations ranked PM Modi (Net Score 8) among the top three leaders of the world. The top spot went to French President Emmanuel Macron (net score 21), followed by German chancellor Angela Merkel (net score of 20). According to Gallup, 53,769 persons were interviewed globally. In each country, a representative sample of around 1,000 men and women was interviewed either face-to-face, via phone, or through online mediums. Given these statistics, I honestly can’t understand why political commentators in India complain that our Government is not representative of the people when it has been elected with 31% of the vote…

The US government, perhaps realising which side of their muffin was crisper, announced later in the week that it was not considering any such move. Possible too, they were quietly advised that they may lose a defence deal which is their ‘dough’ nut! Or President Trump received a virtual hug which made him change his mind. “What mind?”, you may ask…

It’s awfully cold in the US, at least the North East Coast is – around -20 degrees, reports say. Climate change began to bite the US no sooner than the US pulled out of the Paris climate accord, a pact they said they didn’t need. Maybe, but evidence is to the contrary – the US has had a terribly anti-climactic year. It had 16 weather and climate disasters in 2017, each with losses exceeding $1 billion, the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration said in a report this week. At least 362 people were killed and hundreds injured during the course of the disasters that comprised one drought, two floods, one freeze event, eight severe storms, three tropical cyclones and wildfires, the report said. It’s true – what you can’t or don’t want to change, you have to endure! Trump now says that he might consider re-joining the Paris climate accord!

Despite the socio-economic scene being rather depressing, it’s time to be gay and enjoy. I mean it. It’s the beginning of a new year and a new life awaits those who think and feel comparatively differently from their fellow beings – especially those who believe similarities rather than opposites attract. The Supreme Court, on Monday, said it will re-examine its 2013 verdict upholding the Indian Penal Code’s Section 377 criminalising gay sex, as it observed that “a section of people or individuals who exercise their choice should never remain in a state of fear”. With this assertion, even a voter can hope to vote without fear or favour…

Despite overall interest rates being low and KYC norms remaining unfulfilled, as elections approach, vote banks are nurtured assiduously by some in the hope that they won’t lose their deposits or others will lose theirs! Mangaluru, on the west coast of Karnataka, is quite the pilot project for this banking experiment. Indeed, it has always been without any firm conclusion. With elections to the Karnataka Assembly due in April, two brutal homicides in Mangaluru, of young men from across the communal divide, was apparently intended to polarize voters and rake up tensions into a tropical storm (only investigations will reveal the true intent). However, the climate change experiment failed as the city, its people, their representatives, and the security forces’ exceptional situational handling, resulted in a meltdown of temperatures back to the polar level. Core temperatures need however, to be addressed separately.

Twitter satire was at its best in a Twitter war between Karnataka chief minister Siddaramaiah and his Uttar Pradesh counterpart Yogi Adityanath, last week. Luckily, Twitter does not afford the option to colour the tweets!

They each advised the other to introspect and improve the way they function for the sake of the people – that’s us… if you had any doubts (we the people, remember?). It was interesting and enlightening stuff – an election campaign with the constraint of limited characters, focusing on life and death (farmers’ suicides and starvation deaths), food and food habits (Indira canteens and eating beef), governance and transparency (ill treatment of Government officers and people’s misery). Lucky for us Kannadigas, both want to build a new Karnataka – one from afar and one from within! However, it is 4.90 crore characters that will decide who will finally build a new Karnataka (nothing much wrong with the existing one though), not 140 characters.

On August 24, 2017, a nine-judge bench of the Supreme Court delivered a landmark verdict in the case of Justice K.S. Puttaswamy vs Union of India, unanimously affirming that the right to privacy is a fundamental right under the Indian Constitution. Privacy is fundamental right, and like all fundamental rights, it comes with reasonable restrictions – For 500 rupees, anyone can peek into your life through your Aadhaar details – so said a major newspaper, and it showed how and paid the price for invading the privacy of the Authority that handles your Aadhar. The Authority has meanwhile, come up with a unique temporary and randomly generated number linked to the Aadhaar for transactions, which is expected to keep your number a secret – but what about all the photocopies of the Aadhaar nos, self-attested at that, lying around telecom counters, banks and other agencies? And how do you generate a number if you are totally illiterate or partially computer illiterate? Ask no questions and you’ll be told no lies!. And its best you keep your opinion yourself – Its your right to privacy!

Excitement among Bollywood fans is bubbling over. Two big films are slated for release over the republic day weekend – Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s Padmavat (can’t watch with a single eye) and R Balki’s Padman.

Interestingly, both begin with ‘Pad’ but are different – one is about a woman (Padmaavat is the story of honour, valour and obsession of a queen from 13th century India), and the other about a man, (Padman is the story of how one man made a difference in many women’s lives, especially in rural India, by creating a low cost sanitary napkin (Pad) making machine). And, though both the films are slated for a republic day release, you may not have to rise before the movie starts rolling. The Supreme Court has mandated, in an order this week, that while standing at attention whenever you hear the national anthem being played is compulsory, the anthem itself need not be played compulsorily in theatres at the start of a movie… So, choose your Pad and enjoy.

Have a good weekend!

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Brian Fernandes

Brian is an alumnus of Roshni Nilaya’s Post Graduate School of Social Work, HR Department and has 30 years of local and international HR and General Management experience. Journalism, poetry, and feature writing is a passion which he is now able to pursue at will. Additionally, he loves compering and hosting talk shows. He loves learning and imparting it; so, when time permits, he provides leadership facilitation and soft skills training to Postgraduate students and Corporates in Mangaluru and Bengaluru. Besides, he is an accomplished Toastmaster under the aegis of Toastamasters.org and a designated Distinguished Toast Master.

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