“Laughter is an instant vacation,” said Milton Berle. Here at NK, we would like to contribute to lightening your mood in preparation for a meaningful and relaxed weekend. So here’s the tongue-in-cheek look at the events of the week gone by that you’ve been waiting for :)
This week has seen two mega funerals – a state funeral and a state’s funeral. One up north and one down south. The former was a deserving ode to a man who was a statesman par excellence, a poet extraordinaire, a politician beyond compare, respected by friends and foes alike, and the definition of an enigma about his true ideological leanings. Indeed, he was also a great orator; people waited with bated breath to hear him speak– his pauses were all for good causes. Mostly punch lines that were often witty and profound but never, unlike now, malicious.
He was a man of compassion beyond the ordinary, according to those who knew him. The current crop is also full of compassion minus the ‘com’ for beliefs close to their heart and obviously, there is no comparison between the two. There cannot be, for one soothes, and the other drives head-on into a crowd and this was evident in the relationship the former PM had with the current PM in the wake of the Gujarat Riots in 2002, as brought out in the book ‘The Untold Vajpayee: Politician and Paradox’ by Ullekh NP (published by Penguin Books India)
Truly the end of an era. AB (not DeVillers) dead, AF dead on the same day. Two legends, different fields and different continents, but both a loss to humankind as we know it. I quote Paul McCartney’s tweet: “Let’s all take a moment to give thanks for the beautiful life of Aretha Franklin, the Queen of our souls, who inspired us all for many many years. She will be missed but the memory of her greatness as a musician and a fine human being will live with us forever. Love Paul (sic)”
Jug Suraiya, one of my favourites, said in his satirical column in the Times of India Op-ed page titled ‘Let’s face it’ on 17th of August, Media is not ‘me-dia’ for nothing. The more my coverage, the greater my dia!
Social Me-dia is pronounced the same way as the regular me-dia and is often used for me time in a big way. But thankfully, unlike television, it has not lost sight of its prefix (Like Mr, Ms etc). Social; It was at the forefront of trying to help people through messages of stranding, flooding, aid requirements, collection points etc. Though it was not a part of his repertoire of savviness, because it spread its tentacles after his era in public life, ABV (No P added, please note) would have commended the platform and those on it for their compassion.
Not one of them (mainstream media, especially TV Channels) showed any compassion as the former PM did for the obituaries being written down south due to the incessant rains (and as he did for the victims after the Gujarat Riots). They did, however, speak of his compassion at length! That’s a consolation.
As the death toll mounted in Kerala, all the mainstream media (TV especially) attention was 24×7 on the surviving leadership of the party which the former PM led to success for the first time. After all, it was a state funeral, not a state’s funeral… that is important. And who was attending?
There was nothing to be gained by covering a state’s funeral; neither brownies nor brownie points, and certainly not votes on behalf of the ruling party from that state. Rather, there was everything to gain by covering the run up to the state funeral 24×7. Besides, the wags say that the coverage was being monitored for distribution of goodies! And who can say no to a good offer? Indeed, the irony is that those who died down south in the rains were also state’s men but were draped in muddy water and not in the tri colour when they died.
On Independence Day, as part of the celebrations in the Supreme Court premises, the law minister told a gathering of senior lawyers and judges that the judiciary should refrain from interfering in issues of policy and governance. The next day, the Supreme Court asked the government what it should do if there is no governance and citizens’ rights are violated because of the government’s apathy and inaction? The bench that asked this counter was hearing a PIL on providing shelter to the homeless and did not include the Court’s often reiterated first among equals.
We are masters of the spin in more ways than one, for we orate beautifully, cremate artistically, and know how to put a spin on things even when it is raining, and the ground is wet. However, when the ball starts to sway in the breeze, we stand rooted – because our rich cultural heritage, the invasions from the west and the east notwithstanding, has kept us grounded! – That, in a nutshell, is the story of the second test between the English Lions (Lions?) and the Indian Tigers (Tigers?). At the end of it, it seemed like a choreographed safari!
I don’t need to add to this: It is hilarious. I quote verbatim from a News18 report on the eve of Independence Day:
Zomato — a restaurant search and discovery service — has over the time built a reputation of adhering to its customers’ demands and blending their ways to keep the hungry people happy. Twitter user @Vellawanti, a Delhi resident, however, wasn’t pleased with her order because her Briyani had an extra ‘topping’. So she decided to escalate the matter with the executive.”Got the biryani delivered with an extra topping of dead roasted house fly. I am getting tired of the quality and service,” she wrote.
Naturally, the executive promptly apologised and wanted to mend things with her. “Trust me I am here I will help you for sure and I will do everything to make the things right. Just allow me a moment to connect with the restaurant and I will get back to you with a update,” responded the executive.
To her shock, the customer care responded to her query and said he had asked the restaurant to add the extra topping she hadn’t asked for.
“I have updated the same to the restaurant, they will add an extra topping of dead roasted house fly in your biryani.”
The case against young India, the new owners of the National Herald, a now revived news organization of the Congress Party, is old but it survives because it must. As a part of the strategy to survive, the IT department plans to reopen old wounds (when you pay tax, you are naturally wounded) and possibly has a hand full of salt from the Dandi march ready to rub into it and keep it Young!
Last Word
The rupee’s value is keeping pace with Independent India. In 1947 it was notionally 1:1 against the USD. In 1950 when India became a republic, it was Rs: 4.16 to the dollar; in 2014 it was 62 to the dollar and has only depreciated since then and is today in the 71st year of independent 70+ to the dollar. The iPhone is now that much costlier as is the bullet train and the Rafale jet, the price of which is already flying overhead – with overheads!
If you are living in Karnataka or Kerala, stay put, as the roads are either blocked by landslides or have disappeared, the train schedule disrupted, and the airports under water. If you stay put wherever you are, I am sure you can have a great weekend and a great week ahead!
The author may be contacted at brian@newskarnataka.com
